Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Randomize
