Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
