you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
