Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
