so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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