I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
