dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think i have two assholes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize