Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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