Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
