i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize