I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
