You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
