You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
