That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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