Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
