he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
