Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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