I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
