Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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