the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
