NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
