There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
