I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
