Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
