You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
