Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
