I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
