she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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