She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
