thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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