Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
