She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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