thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
