whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
