I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
