guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
