Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
