he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
