They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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