hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
thus making me awesome and them whores
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
