Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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