Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
