I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
