We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
