since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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