My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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