Soap is not a condiment
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
