if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
