My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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