I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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