He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
