He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
