I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
not ubering you a puppy
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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