I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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