Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
