I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
