Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize