Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
