I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
