i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
