I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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