The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize