Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
