what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize