and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
