I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ketchup is God's man juice
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
