whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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