So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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