I only kidnapped one of them. chill
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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