Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
