I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
