Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
