a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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