I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
