she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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