ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize