i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
