My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
