New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
