You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
