just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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