Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
