I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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