Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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