Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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