Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
