They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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