I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
