I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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