Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
