Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
