Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i've created a new STD.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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