What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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