i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize