I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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