he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
