it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it because I queefed?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
