I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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