you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
