Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize