I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
