"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
