We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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