wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize