We're like a lot better than the average bears
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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