p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
