how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
