i jhust puked up my retainher.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
