im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I lost the right to judge tonight
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
