worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
